


You Matter To Me

by ElliHelm



Series: Inevitable [5]
Category: Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Basically They're Big Sappy Babies And I Love Them, Do I Give A Shit? Nope., F/M, He Is Valid, If You Know Then You Know™, Is This Cheesy? Maybe., Leif Donnelly Cries During Sex, Leif Donnelly's Adam's Apple, Love Confessions Via Heart Song, She Is Also Valid, Zoey Clarke Also Cries During Sex, no I will not elaborate on that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:41:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28767219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElliHelm/pseuds/ElliHelm
Summary: Where would she be right now if she hadn’t been in that conference room with Leif? What would her life be like right now if she hadn’t been forced to confront the fact that she was —is— attracted to him then and there? Would she be pining after astillthoroughly engaged Simon? Involved in a weird and unnecessarilycomplicatedlove triangle?She prefers her life like this. Messy road and all.
Relationships: Zoey Clarke/Leif Donnelly
Series: Inevitable [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1785943
Comments: 20
Kudos: 24





	You Matter To Me

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this installment has certainly taken long enough! I started this particular fic on September 10, 2020 according to Google Docs. LOL. I promise, I haven't forgotten about this verse, and there's _lots_ more to come because I love these dorks so much. I just got pulled in the directions of so many different WIPs, and then got stuck in a rut of not writing because I couldn't finish something before work and not finishing anything because I didn't write. _**Irony can be so painful!**_ :'D
> 
> This was originally supposed to be a smutshot with feelings. By the end, it sort of just became... a whole bunch of feelings with a hint of smut. Also! Despite what the publication date might suggest, I was in no way inspired by ZEPisode 2x02! I had this idea first! Or... simultaneously. I won't say anything more lest that spoils things for you, but I hope you all enjoy. ♥
> 
> Big thanks always goes to the Discord for enabling me, but especially to Leif ([leifstroganoff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leifstroganoff/pseuds/leifstroganoff)) for being a huge inspiration with the premise of this fic and the song choice.

It’s a little strange to her, how wildly different the experience of kissing Leif becomes when there are actual, **real** emotions behind it. Ones that she’s actually ready to acknowledge, anyway. They’re softer. _Less frantic_. Each kiss is its own little ‘ _I love you_ ’, full of meaning that doesn’t need to be said out loud. At least, not _yet_.

(He _has_ to know… _right?_ That when she says it means ‘ _everything_ ,’ she means it in the same way he does? That _he’s_ her ‘ _everything?_ ’)

_They’ve been in this position before._

Actually, they’ve been in this particular position quite a few times since he first sang _I Put A Spell On You_ to her, but she’s thinking of their first time in particular. That first time she’d settled into his lap on her bed, she’d been in a rush, fumbling with the buttons of his cardigan and chasing the taste of chewing gum and sugary sweet coffee like her life depended on it. Maybe it had. Where would she be right now if she hadn’t been in that conference room with Leif? What would her life be like right now if she hadn’t been forced to confront the fact that she was — _is_ — attracted to him then and there? Would she be pining after a _still_ thoroughly engaged Simon? Involved in a weird and unnecessarily _complicated_ love triangle?

She prefers her life like this. Messy road and all.

She’s in no rush now. Zoey’s perfectly content to stay like this for a while, just kissing Leif while her hands rest against his chest. Comfortable. _Companionable_. She sets the pace and Leif follows it, his own hands resting in a very respectable spot on her hips without any pressure for more.

(It isn't that she doesn't **want** more because she _does_. She wants it very much, but she also wants to commit every moment of this to memory. To take her time here because she never has before, and now she can without fear.

Well… _minimal_ fear. Loving Leif is still scary, just… slightly _less_ scary than it was before.)

Zoey almost doesn't notice the tell-tale strums of instrumentation. It starts out faint, just barely audible above the hitch in his breath when her lips migrate to his neck, and it isn't until he pulls back, drawing a disappointed whine from her throat that she realizes what's happening.

_Oh shit. He's about to sing to her._

The look in his eyes isn't quite as unreadable to her as it used to be. Even though she's about to get a heart song telling her _exactly_ what he's thinking, it's not hard to guess what's coming.

_I could find the whole meaning of life in those sad eyes_

It's funny how, even when she's expecting something, it still finds a way to take her breath away. She'd known (assumed, really) that what was coming next was a love song, but knowing does absolutely nothing to prepare her for the intensity of the experience. Leif's voice is buttery-smooth in her ears, as always. (A part of her wonders, very briefly, if that's _just_ her power at work or if he's just as good a singer in reality, but that's a question for another day.) It’s not a particularly choreographed song either (at least, not yet, but she has serious doubts about that changing anytime soon), which is good because she’d probably have a fair few more complaints if he were _dancing_ too. (Bad enough that she can’t _kiss_ him.) No, this heart song is… _simple_. Just his voice and the music accompanying him as he pours his heart out to her.

In other words, it’s _beautiful_ and she’s mesmerized watching him.

_They've seen things you never quite say, but I hear_

_Should she be this emotional this early on into his heart song?_

Zoey’s leaning toward the answer being ‘ _no_ ,’ but that doesn’t stop her eyes from welling up as one of his hands reaches up to cup her cheek. His thumb brushes along her cheekbone and her throat feels tight, _too tight_ , but the words — the _will_ — to tell him to stop, that it’s _too much_ , don’t come. _Won’t_ come. **Can’t** come.

_Isn’t it time that she stopped running from him?_

(In all honesty, she doesn’t tell him to stop because she doesn’t want him too. She isn’t scared of him loving her because she’s already ( _finally_ ) accepted that she loves him too. Though it’s still new to her and just the teensiest bit overwhelming, the alternative just happens to be so much worse.)

_Come out of hiding, I'm right here beside you  
And I'll stay there as long as you'll let me_

_God, is he reading her mind or something? Isn’t that supposed to be **her** thing?_ She doesn’t have a secret vlog to accuse him of watching, but the irony of him singing a thought that mirrors her own almost perfectly isn’t lost on her.

She might not be able to give him an answer right now (and on second thought, it’d probably be weird if she _did_ , considering he hasn’t technically _asked_ her a question yet), but if she could, she knows exactly what it would be, which is a _huge_ step up from even just a few hours ago when she did _not_ know what she wanted besides Leif’s tongue down her throat and his hands everywhere else. Maybe, when they’re done, she’ll tell him anyway. _After_ explaining the context and the heart song to him, of course. In the spirit of total honesty (because after everything she’s put him through, it’s the _least_ he deserves).

( _Is it too soon to say ‘forever’?_ It _feels_ like it might be a bit soon, but then again, it also… _doesn’t_. Leif’s already sung about being in it for the long haul. _Isn’t it time she let him know the feeling is very much mutual?_ )

_Because you matter to me  
Simple and plain and not much to ask from somebody_

Her breath catches in her throat again because _holy shit_ she was _not_ expecting… _**that**_. _**That**_ is… _powerful_. And _heady_. She couldn’t look away if she wanted to (she _doesn’t_ want to, not ever, because if she does then that might break the illusion, and she’s _not_ ready for it to end yet), and she may or may not be crying right now (she _definitely_ is, and not just the eye-watering that she’d been experiencing earlier either but full-on, tears streaming down her face, probably ruining her make-up _crying_ ), but none of that really matters now.

_Jesus, he really **does** love her, huh?_

_You matter to me_  
_I promise you do, you, you matter too  
I promise you do, you'll see  
You matter to me_

He sings it again (and then _again_ and **again** ), and the weight of the words hits her like a freight train each time. This is so much more than a simple ‘ _I love you_.’ In fact, the words ‘ _I love you_ ’ almost seem _shallow_ in comparison to the depth of emotion these have. It’s… They’re just…

There’s something… _profound_ about it. About _mattering_ to someone. Not just being loved or _wanted_ or **desired** but _mattering_ on the simplest, basest of levels. It’s such a selfless way of caring about someone else, without the pretension of anything more, and while it’s not a _complete_ surprise coming from Leif ‘ _I’m Not In Love With **Better**_ ’ Donnelly, it’s still a shock to her system, hearing it.

She’s not used to feeling this sappy about Leif. She’s kind of actively avoided it, in fact, ignoring and/or shoving down any and all warm fuzzies that he’s managed to evoke in the relatively short time they’ve been together. Maybe that’s why it’s hitting her all at once. She’s got weeks of repressed emotion to catch up on, and his singing is making her feel all of it. _All at once_.

(How long does she have before she snaps from it? How long before the words just come spilling out of their own accord, with no regard for whether it’s the _right time_ or not?)

_It's addictive the minute you let yourself think_

_Not long at all, apparently._

It takes her by surprise when she interrupts Leif to start singing herself, the lyrics coming to her intuitively, but it doesn’t feel like any of the other times she’s glitched. It still feels like any other heart song, wrapped in its own little bubble of Zo-ality that’ll pop when it’s ready and not a moment sooner, just… with her singing too. _Is that a thing now? Are heart song duets a thing she gets to add to her growing list of musical-based powers?_

_The things that I say just might matter to someone_

Either way, she’s still singing, so Zoey’s not sure that it matters much _why_. If she’s gotta see this through to the end, is knowing whether it’s a glitch and she’s _actually_ singing this to Leif (which would be embarrassing, but not _nearly_ as embarrassing as _either_ of the last times she’s sung to him, both of which had come complete with the most mortifying choreography known to man) or if her power has just decided she sings along with duets now going to make any difference at all? **No**. But at least Leif’s not _looking_ at her like she’s some sort of crazy person, and at least she’s not _dancing_ like one either. _That_ counts as a win.

_All of this time I've been keeping my mind on the running away  
And for the first time, I think I'd consider the stay_

It doesn’t _feel_ like choreography when she leans in, pushing Leif back onto the bed so she’s on top of him as she sings. Just the natural progression of what they’d been doing before the heart song interrupted, calling the both of them out (but mostly her, which… _rude_ ) with its unnaturally apropos lyrics. Everything she would already be doing, even if she weren’t singing. Minus the kissing.

_She kinda misses the kissing._

_Because you matter to me  
Simple and plain and not much to ask from somebody_

The adoring and lovestruck look he’s been giving her since the start (of the kissing… of the _song_ … of **everything** ) doesn’t leave as she sings back the words that had hit her like a freight train, earlier, and that (rather _innocuous_ , actually) observation makes her smile. Not as part of the song, but as a real, _genuine_ reaction.

If he can hear it (and a part of her kind of hopes that he _can_ now, embarrassment be damned), it’s as good an ‘ _I love you_ ’ as anything else would be. It might even be **better** , actually, considering the first ‘ _I love you_ ’ she’d heard from him was also in a song. That made it a bit poetic, didn’t it? Singing your first confessions of love to each other?

 _You matter to me_  
I promise you do, you, you matter too  
I promise you do, you'll see

As she sings the words again (and then _again_ and **again** ), her eyes catch on the scar in his eyebrow, softening (if that’s even _possible_ ) as she reaches up to brush her thumb over it lightly in an absentmindedly affectionate gesture. For a moment, the spell of the heart song (if it even _is_ a heart song) seems to break, and the adoration morphs into an emotional vulnerability that takes her breath away, but it’s gone so quickly she’s left wondering if she just imagined it out of habit. It was the same look he _always_ got when she—

 _ **Oh**_. So maybe it _did_ mean as much to him as it did to her.

_You matter to me_

When the song is over and the music fades, not much _changes_. She’s still straddled on top of him, hands in his hair and on his chest, and they’re _both_ still wearing **far** too many layers. No, not much has **changed** , but she still can’t help but notice the _differences_ either. Like the way his eyes are glassier than she remembers them being when they started and how his voice cracks a little saying, “ _Zoey_ ,” which brings a rush of color to her cheeks for a whole _multitude_ of reasons.

“Shut up and kiss me,” she says, leaning in to swallow any protests that might come out of him (there aren’t any) with a needy kiss.

Whatever interest she’d had in taking this slowly fades away quickly, replaced with an urgency that starts with her hands fumbling eagerly with the buttons of his cardigan and then his tie and bleeds into her lips, kisses drifting down his jawline and onto his neck where she can hit all of his weak spots.

In a way she _is_ still taking her time, popping open a new button on his bird-patterned shirt each time she nips at the skin, and by the time she finally starts to pull his shirt out from where it’s tucked into his pants, his neck is covered in little red marks, and her focus has shifted to his Adam’s apple where she _knows_ she’ll get a reaction out of him. The hitch in his breath and soft whine of her name is like clockwork, really, and when she pulls away to kiss him again, she’s grinning widely.

( _God, she loves him. Even if he **is** incapable of shutting up._)

His hands on the hem of her sweater don’t surprise her, though the giggling is inevitable when it gets stuck on her chin and she has to pull away to get it off the rest of the way. _Whoops_. Probably should’ve thought about that beforehand. _Probably should’ve gotten their pants out of the way too._ _**Hmm**_ …

She doesn’t lean back in right away. Instead, she takes a moment to really _look_ at Leif for the first time since the duet has finished, drinking in the kiss swollen lips and the hickeys on his neck and his _smile_ , infectious and **sweet** and _almost irresistible_.

_Yeah. She could live with this for forever._

“You know I love you, right?” she asks abruptly, and though the question takes _her_ by surprise (mostly because she’d initially been thinking more along the lines of ‘ _Lose the pants, Mister_ ’), Leif’s smile just gets _**sweeter**_.

“I do. _Promise_ ,” he says, voice cracking a little bit on the last word, and she doesn’t have the heart to _tease_ him about it with how sincere he sounds, so she just leans in and kisses him again instead, rolling her hips against his.

Maybe it takes a little bit longer to actually get around to the ‘ _no pants, condom on_ ’ part of the evening because of it, but the trade-off is worth it, she thinks.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're wondering, yes, Zoey did in fact sing her part of the duet IRL to Leif. No, I will not be taking constructive criticism on how cheesy that is. I'm allowed to be a sap with my niche ship.
> 
> Come find me on [Tumblr!](https://leifdonnellys.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Comments feed me deep in my soul. Kudos boost my serotonin levels. Doing both earns you my undying adoration. ♥


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